So this is a new topic for me. Although I have been married to a man that is a band, drummer, DCI enthusiast and fan, I have never really been that interested.
This past saturday my sister invited me to go support my niece as her school was going to perform and she was going to be a participant as part of the dance group. I was not expecting much to be honest. But I was pleasantly surprised.
I remember maybe seeing a couple of these events back when I was younger. They bored me so much or I expected too much and thought they were subpar. Well things have changed. These kids have really stepped it up a few notches. I was very impressed. I loved the way my husband and my sister were connecting on this subject. Like they were really into it.
Anyway. My niece's school did make it to state. So I am very proud of her and all her team. I couldnt find their performance but I will leave the ones that won that night. Which I also loved. Ever since they came out and I saw the art, I said, they need to win. Very good and beautiful performance. Also because they added the theme to one of my favorite shows of all time.
Guilt tries to sneak in when you least expect it. You smile and feel at peace and bam! It hits you. I dont think so, not with this. I had left this on my cart last time I logged in to HEB. Was gonna see if Rory ate it. We fed him all types of food to entice his apetite. We didnt try, we DID everything that we could. I want us to get through this and grieve the way we need to, and even though guilt will come in to play every now and then, we shouldnt allow it. Guilt is not welcome here. We did everything we could to save him, his little body gave out. It is sad and heartbreaking because he was everything to us, but we did right by him up until the very end.
Its mostly been a shit year to say the least but im not going to let it bring me down. The universe can keep flinging shit at me, ill take it standing up and keep going upwards. I have a choice to let it fuck me, or I can just keep going. I choose to keep living and enjoy the things I still have. It is apparent we dont last long here anyway. No use wasting time feeling sorry for myself.
I am me. Shit can shape me, but even at my saddest and angriest, I have learned to look for the good sides instead of just becoming bitter.
Life can be a series of caca, but it can also be amazing. And the good things are out there as much as the bad ones. So I choose to keep pursuing and enjoying the good things. One day it will be my turn to go. I hope I get to do it with a smile. I sure as hell will try.
Yesterday we had to say goodbye to our most loyal friend. Our baby. Our pedatito. Rory.
What can I say about one of our oldest companions? How do you fit in 11 1/2 years of love, companionship, anecdotes, trips, licks, hugs, stretches, pictures, amazing times in just one blog. It wouldnt fit in just one blog. There is just no way.
Right now I dont have the words. I know one day I will be inspired to write something more beautiful about my Rory, honoring him the way he should be honored. But not today. Today it is just dark.
All I can say today is that there is a hole in my heart. I feel like I got punched in the stomach and all the air is out and I can hardly breathe.
I am trying to cope by using logic, but it isnt working. That hole is still there. I know in time I will heal and I will be ok. I have to be. But right now I feel empty.
I already miss my little baby boy. Although he had been sick for a while and he wasn't the same Rory as before, I was ready to take care of my little old man. But they gave us bad news at the vet's office. And the damage done to his liver was irreversible. He was skin and bones and had not eaten a full meal in days. It was just a matter of time and it was coming in quick. So we did the selfless thing to do, at the expense of our hearts, but it was the right thing to do for him.
I will come back here and share some stories of him, of happier days. But I had to mark this very meaningful occasion and just say, as much as it pains me, that he is no longer in this world.
My beautiful pedatito. I will always remember you as the fighter that you were. With all the medical issues you had, it never showed, at least not until the very end. 11 wonderful years. Thank you my baby.
Today you would have been 72 years old. All this week I would have been planning your dinner or get together, it was weird not to do so. I am so glad we threw a nice shindig last year for you. I had no idea it would be your last but such is life, such is death. It still feels like it wasnt that long ago. I miss you dad. I am sure I always will. I know you live in me and I feel your presence sometimes when I say certain things or when I know exactly what you would say on certain ocassions and I smile when that happens. You would never want us to be sad and I know you would love to be remembered with a smile. So I will do just that. Happy birthday Papi! I love you.
PS. There is a solar eclipse today. You would have been all into that and would probably be writing about it for your radio talk show. :)
Recently, I went to a Depache Mode concert. Suffice to say, I did not expect what I got. I have always been somewhat of a fan and always found Dave's (frontman) voice sexy and mysterious so I thought I was getting some sort of dark sexy show. And it was in some parts. But I was not expecting to also see and hear dread. Unbeknownst to me, one of the band members passed away a year ago. So the conversation of death was present in their new material and having never even heard their new stuff, I felt it. Especially when they sung "Speak to me", which is dark but full of hope.
But there was another song in their setlist that was also new to me called Ghosts Again. At first I liked the tune as it reminded me of something from my youth. Sounded like the group Moenia a bit. Then I heard it again on my own and it quickly became one of my favorite songs. The lyrics arent detailed or complex, but hit hard to the reality that we are all going to die one day. I mean, their album is called Memento Mori, which means, remember we all must die. It's true.
I dont know if it was the pandemic or the fact that I am getting older or both, but I have lost so many people in the past 3 1/2 years. People that I wouldnt think it was their time because they werent old. And they all hurt. When someone dies, it is always a reminder of how short life can be and how death is inevitable but then time heals you and you forget.
Then someone very close to you dies. In my case, my father. He was always there, always present. Someone who has been there all your life. Has seen you through everything in your own life, a baby, a child, a teenager, an adult, a mother.... just always there and then... he's not, just gone. As the song says, "everybody says goodbye". Because it is true, eventually if you dont leave, you get left behind. It is just natural and it is inevitable. There is nothing truer than memento mori.
I leave you with the music video and song. Below an article and the band's take on the song. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have these past couple of weeks.
February 10, 2023 Music / Premium Depeche Mode, Ghosts Again: the lyrics & their meaning Posted by Auralcrave Ghosts Again is a song released by Depeche Mode in 2023, the first single anticipating their album Memento Mori. It represents the first music officially released after the death of their keyboardist Andy Fletcher in 2022: Depeche Mode are now composed only of Dave Gahan and Martin Gore, two survivors dealing with death in their new album. Let’s analyze the meaning of the lyrics and how it fits the latest phase of their career. You will also find the complete lyrics at the end. You can watch the official video of Ghosts Again below. Depeche Mode - Ghosts Again (Official Video) Watch this video on YouTube. Dealing with death: Ghosts Again, the lyrics and their meaning Ghosts Again is a song about death and mortality. In the lyrics, Depeche Mode reflects on how life looks temporary, and weightless, when we think about death and how it can suddenly put everything into a different perspective. In the video, Martin Gore and Dave Gahan reenact the historical chess game with the Death from Ingmar Bergman’s The Seventh Seal, a symbol of the impossible challenge for a human to win over death.
The lyrics of Ghosts Again are short and highly symbolic. They describe how things in life can suddenly disappear, break, and vanish. Reflecting on our mortal nature, we realize that one day we will be ghosts (again), dissolving our material consistency.
It’s a series of thoughts that don’t really bring us in any specific direction. If any, they invite us to be less attached to the material things of life: they will all be gone, and they can disappear in a single moment if death comes to visit us. Even faith and love can’t help: inevitably, life will turn into a ghost one day.
The meaning of the lyrics in Ghosts Again, therefore, represents Depeche Mode’s first take on life and death, after Andy Fletcher left the world. Memento Mori, the title of their new album, is a Latin expression meaning “remember you must die,” revealing that death will be a heavy topic of their music in 2023. Let’s wait for more songs and words in the upcoming months.
