We are hosting and I am kind of anxious. X says he needs it to get his mind off of the shitty year we have had. He finds comfort in the fact that all our kids will be there under one roof for one day. I wish I shared that sentiment. Yes, I am happy to see them all, but I am not that excited. Between my dad's funeral expenses, helping out my family, paying taxes, Rory's disease and death and now Clara's disease, I am broke. I have had to dig into my savings and I hate it. I had that money put away for something else and emergencies.
I guess this is kind of an emergency (clara) but still, it annoys me and makes me anxious.
So yeah, having the "kids" over usually means I have to spend extra money. Sometimes R comes in with groceries, so hopefully he will do this as well this weekend bc I dont think I have anything extra to feed them except for turkey. 😬
*side note- I say kids like that because they are NOT kids at all. They are all adults capable of paying their own shit but they dont. It's my fault though, I have coddled them way too much. I want to say I am done doing that. I mean, not like I have much choice right now in the matter anyway.
But I digress... thankfully we have bought everything we need for the event and maybe I can take a rest and not think about crazy money spending until next year. My sister hosts the Christmas party this year. So theres that at least. Seems like shes coming around financially and I am so relieved for that and happy for her.
I just want to be stable again. It sucks if people show up and I got nothing to offer. All I can do right now is take care of my household and pay bills. And that aint me. Hasnt been me for years.
I just need to be patient and relax, because if there is one thing I do know is that I will bounce back. I always do. I am just a little anxious about everything that has happened in the past few months. I wanna say im depressed but im not, not really. I am anxious and at times very sad or bitter. But I brush it off as quickly as I can because I have to. No choice. Gotta keep moving.
Now that I have poured my guts a bit, I think I feel a little better. I know I have a handful of readers out there. Whoever you are. Thanks for taking an interest. Hope to be in a better mood next time. Or tell tales of abundance instead of this patheticness.
Have a great Thanksgiving Holiday! 🦃
