Who could have thought that things would hurt even more as time goes by. Why do people say that time heals all? It's more like time allows you to get used to the pain. Or maybe as we get older, the feeling is more pronounced, like it resonates more. Or maybe it has nothing to do with dearly departed family or friends. Maybe it has to do with growing older, body changes, hormones, i dont know. All I can say is that I am very very sad. I am really good at shaking it off and building my walls until it goes away. This time, this past 2 weeks, it just kept growing and this past weekend I actually had to take a normalizer because it was unbearable to even breathe. Is this what clinical depression feels like? I dont want to be on pills, I like knowing that I am in control but this was scary. After the pill I took I was able to finally breathe easy and relax. I took a nap and then was able to have a good night sleep. I feel a lot better today. I am hoping this was just a random episode. I dont have time for this. I need a mental break and so I am taking a couple of days off to relax and allow myself to enjoy a different ambiance. Maybe that is all I need. Regardless, I am looking forward to this. Being near X always makes me feel better too. I think I may blog about this trip here. I feel like I only come and pour sadness and despair and that is not the only thing I have in my life.
Ill do my best to share pics and experiences from this coming weekend.
