Monday, April 15, 2024
Friends and get togethers 2024 edition
Friday, April 5, 2024
In my thoughts today...
My dad. He always enjoyed a good ice cream. He loved floats too. And swimming. And fun outdoorsy things like going to water parks and getting on all the rides. Everything he did in his life, he enjoyed. Even work. Up until the very end, he had goals and plans. He is an inspiration to live life to the fullest and never stop trying new things, or just trying at anything you do. He was a very hard worker but when it came time to enjoy, man did he.
Papi, You always worried about leaving a legacy of righteousness, I told you that if anyone ever taught me to be fair in life, it was you. And if anyone taught me to enjoy even the smallest things in life, it was you. So although I will always miss you, I will also enjoy everything life has to offer me because that's what you did and that's how it should be. And I hope if there is an afterlife, you're enjoying the most delicious ice creams and floats Thank you so much for everything.
Monday, March 18, 2024
Rainy days and Mondays...
I wish I was home today. I love rainy days but I love them more from home. Something about gloomy cool days, comfy clothes, warm socks and a couch with the curtains and blinds open.
We have a San Antonio trip coming up this Wednesday/Thursday for Clara's treatment. This will be the same kind of weather and quote frankly I can't wait. I'm hoping we can enjoy Wednesday night before it rains and go get some dinner at the river.
The weather is perfect for an early dinner outside. And then cuddles in our hotel room while we watch a movie. These trips can be a pain in the ass for sure, but they are necessary for my Clara. And although these are literally cancer treatments and there may be sad times ahead, it is all a matter of perception when we take these trips. So I try to make it a special event, rather than a boring visit. I think it works. I think X also enjoys our time alone and the time we give her when we take these trips.
I will especially enjoy a cool and rainy day.
This is today at home
Monday, February 19, 2024
Just... something.
Who could have thought that things would hurt even more as time goes by. Why do people say that time heals all? It's more like time allows you to get used to the pain. Or maybe as we get older, the feeling is more pronounced, like it resonates more. Or maybe it has nothing to do with dearly departed family or friends. Maybe it has to do with growing older, body changes, hormones, i dont know. All I can say is that I am very very sad. I am really good at shaking it off and building my walls until it goes away. This time, this past 2 weeks, it just kept growing and this past weekend I actually had to take a normalizer because it was unbearable to even breathe. Is this what clinical depression feels like? I dont want to be on pills, I like knowing that I am in control but this was scary. After the pill I took I was able to finally breathe easy and relax. I took a nap and then was able to have a good night sleep. I feel a lot better today. I am hoping this was just a random episode. I dont have time for this. I need a mental break and so I am taking a couple of days off to relax and allow myself to enjoy a different ambiance. Maybe that is all I need. Regardless, I am looking forward to this. Being near X always makes me feel better too. I think I may blog about this trip here. I feel like I only come and pour sadness and despair and that is not the only thing I have in my life.
Ill do my best to share pics and experiences from this coming weekend.