It's becoming more common for me. I've finally lost all sense of care for my place of employment. And I think I mean it generally. Like it doesn't matter where I work. Don't get me wrong, I am still very professional, I meet my deadlines and I do my job to the best of my abilities. But I used to like to work. Anywhere I worked I was always happy to be helpful, loved to learn new things, took pride in everything I did.
It started happening at my old job. I just suddenly started feeling like nobody around me cared about anything but themselves. And I used to not care about that. Maybe naive on my part, but I always thought there was a good side to everybody and that everyone cared about their job as well. Sure, you go to work to work, not to make friends, and that's fine. But that is exactly why there shouldn't be animosity between coworkers. Sometimes you will agree on things and sometimes you won't. Working through those differences is a skill that not everyone posseses. That makes it a challenge for people like me, who just want to get the job done right and go home. Well that was then anyway. Now I don't care either way. Before, I would love a pat on the back or a recognition for my success. And it's getting to the point where I don't even care about trying to tackle the problem and find common ground. Now I just want to finish what I'm asked for and go home without really trying to work anything out. I've turned into a soldier who follows orders. And I can do a lot or just the basics to get the job done, whatever I'm asked to do, but I don't go the extra mile anymore. I don't volunteer anymore. Wtf for? NOBODY gives a shit.
So the place where I work now is not perfect, no company is. I've just never seen so much bitching. I like most of my coworkers, they're a fun bunch for the most part. Still, I trust NO ONE. And I hate that because I feel that some people are genuinly nice and care. I just... don't anymore. But yeah... TONS of bitching and complaining. In all my professional life, I've never seen it this bad. To me, a person who wastes more time bitching than working is useless. Sure, sometimes you can have legitimate complaints; but for the most part, figure it out, work it out, do something to fix the issue before you bitch about your supervisors or TO your supervisors about other coworkers and just get to work. You're a fucking adult, act like it. Also, I see a lot of: "that's not my job or that's not in my job description." This one has happened everywhere I have worked. Lazy asses. That's something I will NEVER say. Even if I don't give a shit anymore. Like I said, I follow orders and if I know how to do something I'll do it instead of wasting time arguing. I seriously don't get that from people. Just fucking do it.
** Sidebar** A client has been waiting here for his caseworker for over an hour. This person has been absent twice this week already (she was sick) and she was so behind on work yesterday that another person had to help her. Well today she called in late, when she had appointments starting at 9 am. It's already 9:40 and a man has been waiting for her since 8:30. He just told me that she always does this. He said something I totally agree on, his exact words: "I am going to report her. I can't believe she's this unprofessional. Here I am really trying to get a job, meanwhile the person who has one, doesn't even care about it. It's not fair". True. But you know what? This is what I have been talking about. IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! There have been complaints about her since I started working here 6 months ago. Almost every week. Yet she gets away with it, each and every time. Some people are just this lucky. I like this chick, she's really cool AND she knows her shit, BUT she's VERY lazy and she doesn't give a crap. I mean, I can understand the fact that she doesn't care, but she's like 24 yrs old. She should be more eager at this age. I can't even imagine what she will be like 10 years from now. So bad. I do feel bad for this poor man. He has shit to do and if he leaves, his case gets penalized. He's stuck here when he could be doing job searches. **
I digress...
The other thing is that most supervisors will always point the finger at you, it doesn't matter if they're right or wrong. I've lost the interest to fight back. They say something is my responsibility, even though I know it's not and I say ok. I know they're full of shit, but who cares? Me arguing isn't going to change a damn thing. I've realized that some supervisors have no clue wtf they're doing. They have depended on others to get from point A to B. Lucky, sure, but I would't want to work like that. I've been a supervisor, but I worked my way up. If someone from my team didn't show up to work, I know I could do what they do AND my job. That's how you get to the top to begin with. Well, in some cases anyway.
The reason I began thinking of this is because I see a lot of hypocrisy around here. Well, everywhere I have worked at really. But here it's pretty bad. At least where I worked before, you knew eventually who to stay away from. Here, people talk shit about other people and then they all hang out after work. I heard from a coworker yesterday that she reported a supervisor to HR, yet she still went to her party last weekend. WTF? I actually laughed at that one. Then she told me that the supervisor has been retaliating against her because she reported her. Well DUH! Yet there you were dancing at her party. Don't get me wrong, I like this girl, she's really funny, but that just tells me she either has very low self esteem (which I doubt bc she had the balls to report this person), she's a full blown liar or she just loves to pick a fight. Either way, I know I wouldn't hang out with someone I don't respect, but that's just me. Do I care about their drama? Not really. I get along with everyone and if someone doesn't like me, I don't care either. It just got me thinking how much I really can't feel anything for either party. I take no sides, not even to myself.
Right now all I can say is, it doesn't matter anymore. I kinda hope the joy of doing a good job comes back to me so that it doesnt ultimately affect my job performance. Then again, right now, I don't really care enough if it never does because I know that being a good employee most times won't get you anywhere anyway. I'm not sad, or depressed or even angry about it. I've just changed a lot in that sense. It just is how it is nowadays.
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