My son

Just wanted to post that here.  I guess just testing my phone app.  So far, it's not bad.  Simple.  Not like one can get too inspired blogging with the phone.  But quite useful when doing a quick blog about food or just something you come across out and about.

River

One day you came into my life.  I wasn't really looking for you, at least that's what I thought.  I wanted you to bring some joy to a certain someone who is very special to me.  I knew getting a dog would bring him happiness.  He had been asking for a while.  I went looking for something not knowing what I would find.  But I knew that day, I would take someone home with me.

 

Do you have this breed?  I asked.  I had a breed like you one time before, but that's another story for another time.

The young lady said, we do.  So she took me to meet you.
 

You came out of that little dog house (too small for you I might add) and you looked at me with those big brown eyes almost as if you were asking me if I was there for you.  You were so sickly and skinny and I thought you may not even last.  Why would I risk taking someone with me that would probably die in days?  Or Someone who would surely cost me money in medical bills?  But you came to me and put your head under my hand.  You picked me and all of a sudden I felt so lucky.  Then you looked at me again and I knew I could never leave you.  You won me over in the first 5 seconds of our life together.  That's more than I can say for anyone I have ever met in my life.  This I swear.

 

I told the lady you were coming home with me.  As I was about to pay for the adoption fee, I was told I needed cash.  So I rushed to the nearest ATM and barely made it back in time.  I can only imagine the heartache you must have felt as you saw me leave.  I hope you felt relief when you saw I was back.  I was upset they had taken you back to that smelly cage instead of waiting for me.  But I was happy knowing I took you out of that hell.

 

It was Valentines day.  And after the whole surprise was over and done with I started to worry.  You were a responsibility and I didn't know if I was up for it.  I thought I could find you a good home if it didn't work out.  The thought of returning you came up, but I knew I couldn't do that.  So we agreed to keep you for a few weeks and see if we could handle it.  If not we would find you a better home.

 

The first weeks were so taxing as you were very sick and depressed.  Your last family left you behind and I am sure you were heartbroken.  But I was not about to give up on you.  I was determined to give you the best care and attention until you came back.  It took us about 3 months of medicine and nurturing to make you bounce back to life.  We even adopted a puppy to keep you company while we were not at home.  You would take care of each other. 

 

As your sickness and sadness tapered away, we started to really know you and as the days went by I began to realize how amazing you were and how lucky we were to have found you.  I couldn't understand how anyone could leave you behind. I was and am still jealous of those people who got to spend more time with you.  Who got to know you as a baby.  I wish I would've been so lucky.

 

All the little things you did, even your every day annoyances were something special.  The way you always begged to jump into the bathtub and your obsession with water.  The fact that you only liked to drink water out of a spout.  The way you wailed and wagged your tail so hard when you got excited.  We would always refer to your tail as your Godzilla tail.  It was loud as you would bang it on the floor; and heavy and fast at the same time when you were standing up, so much so that you took out objects in the way of it.  Our other dog Rory has always been out of control but he learned to respect you.  And only when you would allow it he could mess with you.  He also got slapped in the face with Godzilla more than once.  Funny thing is, it never seemed to bother him.  He'd just flinch.  He loved you so much.  We all did.  And we know you loved everyone you came in contact with.  You were just so full of love.

I know people own dogs and they come and go for some. And you came at a time I didn't really want a pet.  You won me over almost immediately with your outstanding personality.  I mean it when I say I never met a dog like you.  You were great.  And even though I now have to go through the heartbreak of losing you, I don't regret a thing.  I only shared 1 year and 4 months with you and dammit I wish it would have lasted longer.  I know I'll never find another soul like yours.  I hate coming home and not finding you at the door wagging your tail like crazy, happy to see us.  I hate coming down the stairs and not see you at your favorite spot... your daddy's couch.  I hate that you will not be there at our next get together.  How you loved those parties and the ribs.  You knew friends over meant ribs.  So many memories you are leaving us and so many un-lived moments I wish we had.  You were my baby and I will always miss you.  And that is why I'm writing this.  Because I want to never forget your story.  

Some people think dogs aren't worth so much grief.  I disagree, a dog's soul is more pure and innocent than any human.  And while most people take them for granted, treat them as an addition to the house, some sort of decor or guard dog, they are more than that.   A dog is your most faithful companion.  A dog will never judge you and is always happy to see you.  While they are some part of your life, you are EVERYTHING to them.  YOU are their whole world.  And I know to my River, we were just that.  And so she was ours as well.

 

Change of heart

I remember posting somewhere some time ago that I did not like hanging out with coworkers.  I used to and there's a few that I considered and still consider friends.  But I realize that people you work with are for the most part, just that, coworkers.  There's no sense of loyalty.  I had my fair share of stabs in the back.  And I was never too trusting, because that's just the way I am, but they would still find a way to try and hurt me professionally or personally.  So it made me even more cautious and thick skinned.

When I started working at this place a year ago, I came in not wanting to deal with anyone.  I was there to do my job and not mess around with people I worked with.  Just avoid the drama.  And it seemed to work for a while.  I saw everyone else hanging around and being friendly with each other and nobody really liked me.  I guess they could sense the resistance.  Quite frankly, I did not care too much.

Well it all boils down to... I changed my mind.  Who changed my mind?  Simple.  Management.  I'd like to say I had a leap of faith and I trusted at least one of my coworkers, but it wasn't like that.  I saw without being the least bit biased, how people were treated by management here.  And then I realized why the tight bond amongst most of them.  I also realized that my previous employers may have also made the backstabbers I dealt with.  Because in the end, we all go there to make money and feed our families and live our lives.  There was a lot of people that were just plain mean or ambitious, but for the most part they were made that way to survive.

The place where I work now is the most unprofessional place I have ever worked in.  Management, for a lack of better words, is fucked.  The main person has no spine and the next on chain of command is a real tyrant.  The kind of boss that looks for errors to have an excuse to yell at you and if she cant find one, she will make one up.  I know what it's like to manage a team and it's not easy because you will never make everyone happy.  But this person not only cannot handle it, but is really mean spirited and a bit of a moron.  Not to mention possibly senile and/ or forgetful. So she takes it out on everyone.  Many times I felt sorry for her.  Not anymore.  She turned my heart to stone when it comes to her.  Just hopeless.

Long story short.  I decided to give my new coworkers a chance.  Well, new meaning about 6 months later.  And I got a nice surprise.  Of course, there are still some people I wouldn't trust.  But a small group of people I work with have turned out to be quite the opposite of what I was used to before coworker wise.  While they may not be my best friends, they are good friends.  They're good people.  I'd like to think that if I ever left this place, I will keep in touch with those who I've become close to.

So, unlike others, I do like to admit (sometimes) when I'm wrong.  This time it makes me happy to be wrong.

Uninspired

I haven't been blogging much.  I used to do it all the time.  It's not that nothing new has happened, I'm just bleh. 

Started exercising again.  Have been doing it on and off, like one week and then nothing the next, never really left it but I'm trying to make it every week at least 3-4 times.  As it is, I started this week, it's barely Thursday and I'm already feeling more energized and more confident.  My clothes feel better.  I need to make an effort.  I really do.  Not just to look good but for my health.  I'm no spring chicken anymore.

Speaking of that... It's my birthday next week.  It's not as significant as it used to be.  Don't get me wrong, I'll take any excuse to celebrate, take a day off, go out of town, buy me something, etc... and this day is mine, so even more so.  Then again, I can do that every other weekend.  Dunno.  Getting older is just not as cool anymore.  I have good genes.  I look a lot younger than I should but I feel older than I am.  Heh.  Probably because of all the partying I did when I was younger.  I'm not even 40 yet but I feel like 50.  I can't stay up too late because I start falling asleep.  Last weekend I had to take an energy shot and yeah it worked, but I over did it.  It was 4:30 and I was tired as hell, but I could NOT go to sleep.  I was freaking out.  Next time I'm taking half.  Fuck that.

I started writing this blog yesterday but I got so busy I had to leave it.  If I felt uninspired yesterday, today is even worse.  Not only that, I have no idea where I was going with this... :S

All I know is that I'm having a bad week.  It was supposed to be a decent week and a fun weekend but apparently life had something else in mind.  I'm extremely depressed.  I got problems.  Nothing to worry about, it's just mental or woman crap....Bad week to have a vagina I swear.  I know I'll get over it soon enough though, I always do.  People like me just do. 

Speaking of vaginas.  It's crossed my mind in the past to try lesbianism.  Not as a one night hot thing... anyone can have that.  More like a relationship.  Now, I didn't say I WANT that, I said it's crossed my mind.  Especially the times when it seems almost impossible to share your life with a man.  I mean, imagine having a shopping buddy ALL THE TIME.  Guys would hit on you a LOT, although I have no problem with that at all anyway.  We would be more understanding to our emotional needs.  PMS would probably go smoother living with a chick.  I certainly wouldnt mind fondling boobs, I mean I do mine all the time.  Then I thought, wait... I would eventually need to eat her out.  Yeah... Not gonna happen.  Besides, I like my boyfriend.  And well, there is absolutely no feminine side to him.  That could be annoying but it's also kinda hot.  Anyway, just thought I'd share that random thought.

So the weekend is finally here.  Suddenly everyone has plans.  A friend of mine is coming into town.  Another friend is having a party.  There was that out of town deal I was going to go to, but changed my mind at the last minute (nobody wants a debbie downer on a trip).  My coworkers want to do happy hour after work.  My mom wants to see me today, although now that I'm not going anywhere, I could just save it for Sunday.  Ugh, everything is just bleh to me right now.  I dont know if this would be considered my bday weekend or next weekend (It's this Tuesday), but I'd rather save it for when my bf doesnt have his kids.  Besides... Debbie Downer... not cool.

What else... Oh, I saw the royal wedding this morning, well the recap anyway, while I was getting ready for work.  How cute was that?  Yeah yeah... I'm not a marriage person, but I like to look at weddings and wedding dresses... I'm weird, I know.  Her dress.  Perfect.  It really looked like mine when I got married years ago.  I like hers better of course.  Hers is simpler.  And that's what I wanted.  My mom and aunts over did it.  But it was still very pretty.  I'll see if I can find a picture of it and scan it.  If I do, I'll edit this post and paste it here.

I'm out of things to say. 

Feeling old

Not myself today.  I have allergies or something.  Just a little puffy and weak.  Not looking forward to lunch either.  I just want to go to sleep.

Speaking of feeling decrepit and old.  I went out this weekend with some old friends.  We went "clubbing".  Oh dear God, I thought I could handle it.  I could not.

I dont understand how some people do it at my age.  Cocaine maybe?  I think my mistake was not getting drunk b4 getting there.  But I don't like getting drunk anymore.  I like to drink and enjoy a good buzz.  Once it starts getting to the drunk phase I have to stop.  But anyway... I think it's this city.  I've been to nice clubs at Austin where they play the same kind of music and it doesn't annoy me.  Here it's just too damn loud, they are truly doing it wrong in that department.  The surroundings are pretty and unreal in a way.  Never mind the young hotties that hang out there showing waaaay too much skin for the month of January and the papparazzi thing they like to do over and over and over and over and over.  Theres also cougars, way older than me dressed even sluttier than the young ones and just having a great time dancing and prancing like idiots.  Such a fantastic atmosphere.  Almost like they really think they're hollywood celebs overindulging in their self love.  Don't get me wrong.  I like to look good and takes pics every now and then of myself.  But that was just way too much.  Maybe it's me.  I'm the one with the problem.  Or it's just not for me.  Not here anyway.  To make matters worse, I couldnt even get a buzz bc the drinks there were kinda weak.  It was nice to see my old friends, but that's all I did, see them.  I wouldve wanted to talk to my friend who I hadn't really hung out with in ages and that place just ruined it.  :(  Oh well, she'll be here till march.

I really believe I've outgrown this town.  I need more things.  Different activities, places, sounds and foods.  I guess I am the problem.  I'm bored with this city.  There's no variety.  It's the same shit over and over.  I'm tired of accordions all over town.  That's all you hear.  I cant even appreciate a good german polka or a zydeco tune without cringing a little.  I would appreciate even the mexican accordion music, but I can't because that's all there is.  And when you try to run away to a decent club, you encounter different music, but it's too loud.

I'm old, but that's ok, I can totally live with it.  I can still have fun, but my way.  I shall avoid these insane clubs from now on.  Unless the music is low enough for conversation.

useless shit & other things

I'm just writing to write.  Forgive any spelling and/or grammar errors.  yeah, I know, not like I cared before and all that crap, but just thought I'd say it anyway.

So what's with the hooker heels nowadays?  I thought about it because I saw some ads right now on my pandora page.  I wanna click but clicking on ads is never a good idea.  So anyway, I dont get them.  They're so slutty and strippery.  Very dangerous to walk in.  and dammit!  YES I fell into it too.  I have boots that should be worn to walk the streets.  I look like a complete PUTA and I guess I kinda do feel sexy in a porn star kinda way.  But dammit I'm allowed!!  I've had enough sex in my life to earn the right to look like a hooker every now and then, plus I'm still cute.  Still, it seems like not just hookers wear them nowadays.  15 yr old girls do too.  This is why we have so many pervs in this world.  You have a 15 or 16 yr old looking like shes barely 18 wearing hooker clothes and shoes.  Yikes.  Be careful out there guys.

What is the fashion industry doing to our youth?  What are parents doing about not letting the kids wear such crap?  I sound like my parents it's fucking horrible but fuck it's true; I used to dress like Debbie Gibson when I was 14.  THAT was fashion for teenagers.  We wouldnt wear midriffs, tiny shorts with heels, showed off ass and boobs, etc....  Unless you were the class slut (and believe me she was pointed at and marked back then).  Now it's like theyre all sluts.  At least they look like them.  The prudes get pointed at and it's the rest of the sluts' job to try and convert them.  The whole be yourself campaign they have today is great in theory, but I think it is very misguided.  It's more like, it's ok to be promiscuous and gay, let's all experiment.  Also, all these little fuckers think theyre adults.  They actually think they are more savvy just because they have more knowledge of the outside world through the internet.  Maybe I am wrong.  Maybe they do know better and it's ok to fuck a 14 yr old if he/she is street smart enough.  Ok went too far and gross.  But yeah, maybe they SHOULD teach US.  I mean it's obvious some parents just really can't handle their children.  All those spoiled brats that go around making bombs in their basements are children that were never spanked, punished and/or monitored.  How can you NOT notice???  Those kids were obviously ignored if they have the time to develop some sort of torture fetish or anything relating to hardcore gore and violence.  And yes, there are exceptions where kids outsmart their parents when they do their illegal activities.  Those fall under psycohotic.  Kids who have no feelings whatsoever but who know right from wrong and don't care.  But, for the most part, brats/juvies/thugs,/depressed kids come from parents who just weren't there enough.  I heard about a 15 yr old getting smacked on an airplane by an old man because the kid refused to follow boarding orders.  Ok so maybe he went to far, but seriously... follow the goddamned rules boy!  Now the man is getting sued of course bc he assaulted a kid.  (for that they are kids huh?).  I'm sure that brat had it coming to him though.  If you cant follow simple instructions or refuse to because you think you're SOMEBODY, then you deserve to get smacked.  When you have a job and pay your own bills, then you have at least the right to question things, if not, STFU and sit down kid.  You ain't got no rights! 

I was talking to my co-workers at lunch today and we all agree that something went horribly wrong at one point a few years back education wise.  But I think it's been like this forever and people didnt care.  Is it that employers didnt care to check school and/or criminal backgrounds?  They are giving people a harder time now education wise.  I see people that can't get jobs that were easy to get (like custodians) only bc they didnt finish high school.  And now that they're checking, it's amazing the level of ignorance out there.  Literally.  There are so many people that didnt even get past 8th grade.  I can see old people dealing with that, because back in the day it was more common.  But 20 something yr olds that didnt finish school?  I mean forget the GED or HS diploma, I'm talking they didnt go past 9th grade.  In this day and age, where the law gets involved if kids dont go to school, wtf?  Really.  What's up with this shit?  Then I found out that your parents can sign you out.  They authorize their kids to drop out and it's legit.  Ridiculous.  But I guess it's all part of being in a "free" country.  Sounds to me more like a lazy country.  People need education, starting with parenting.  Some people should never breed.

Funny that I started writing this 5 hours ago and I haven't been able to finish.  Unlike other people that don't give a shit about their job, I give priority to my work first.  People walk in, phones ring, supervisors needs reports, etc...  So I have to stop and do what I have to, but it's not long b4 I finish and I have to rearrange my thoughs and all that...Sure this isn't work related at all and I would surely get in trouble for blogging on the clock, but I CAN.  As long as it doesnt interfere with work, I don't feel guilty for doing it.  This is why I haven't been able to finish it.  I'm sorry if you don't agree with me doing this at work but it gets very frustrating and slow, I need more responsibilities.  I'm not used to this.  It's a mickey mouse position, anybody could do it.  I feel no challenge and it makes me ill sometimes.  So I blog to make the time pass and just feel some sort of release.  Besides, it makes my day more interesting when I'm tending to someone and I'm trying to keep an idea in my head about my blog.  If I were in accounting or something more serious, then I'd probably not see the internet until the end of the day.  Not making up excuses, but I'd like my readers to know I'm not a slacker.  I just don't want my mind going to mush because all I do is sit here.

It's 3:30 and I'm empty.  I like this song in the background... I see right through you by DJ Encore.  It's a few years old, but I still like it.  Ha now it's that song about the sexy bitch (David Guetta).  X likes that song.

I'd like to mention that it's X's bday today.  I don't know if he'd want me to mention his age but he uses readers.  So.... yeah... old.  Still, he's hot.  Anyway, don't know what his plans are.  I offered to take him to dinner.  And I'd make him dinner but I do that every night... So... we'll see.  Whatever he wants.

BTW, I love to tell clients to sit down.  HA.  They stand here waiting for me to call on their case worker and I tell them:  "you can sit down, I'll let you know"  I'm sure they hate it just as much as I hate them being in front of me. 

If you are reading this (and I KNOW I get readers), don't be sissies and post something.  At least I read it or something.  I'd like to know who else, besides my bf and Aracely, sees it.  :p

Happy new year?

I've become more and more cynical when it comes to holidays.  I see them as an opportunity for a day or two off without the cost of my PTO.  Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy my days off.  It's just, the holidays themselves don't mean much to me anymore.

Christmas.  I go with the flow.  Over spend $$ like everyone else because I feel guilty if I don't.  Period.  That's all it has become.  Getting together with family and/or friends is nice but you can do this at any time of the year.  At least for me because they all live here.

New years?  I used to LOVE new years eve and the parties and the drinking.  I looked forward to it this time around and I had a nice time.  But it's not as exciting as it used to be.  I fell asleep around 3 when I used to last until at least 6.  Maybe it's part of getting old.  Dunno. 

Also, the resolutions were a big part of it.  I loved to make stupid resolutions that I knew I wouldnt keep.  Then a few years ago, I just stopped.  Still partied, still enjoyed the company of friends and liquor, but just stopped caring.

Now, it's just another day.  A number changed.  That's it.  I still have the same job.  Same haircut.  Same clothes.  Same friends.  My closet still needs to be gutted and rearranged as I have been wanting to do it for 2 months.  Nothing's really changed.  And that's fine.  It's just no big difference because a number changed in the calendar.  The day you lose your job can be any day.  The day you find another job can be in a month or 2.  The day you get dumped, hitched, pregnant, meet the love of your life, have an accident, or die... That can happen any day.  Certain events mark a certain date and those are important to remember.  New years eve?  Not that important.  Good to get a day off so you can take off from your boring life, but the "holiday" itself is stupid.

Not everything is bitterness and criticism in this blog though.  I do appreciate some memories that marked the calendar for 2010.  I won't go month by month as I really don't recall most things but I will mention a few that I can think of now.

In the begining of the year I lost my job.  Not a great loss really.  In fact, I had the time of my life for a few months milking the tit of uncle sam.  Waking up a bit later than what I was used to but not too late.  Re-decorated a few rooms in the house.  Painted on canvas (not that great but just to put some colors on my walls).  It was truly wonderful.  Sadly, reality kicked in and I had to accept a job offer or I'd lose my benefits.  It wouldve affected my taxes as well.  So back to work I went.

Before I went back to work, I spent a few days with my friend Gaby in Austin.  I'd been wanting to do that for some time.  Just take off on my own and forget about the real world for a bit.  I think it was around March or April.  It was the week of South by Southwest.  I had never been to that festival, it's a bit expensive and somewhat overrated but I still had a really good time.  I liked St. Patrick's day.  That was very fun.  During the days it was very relaxing.  I'd wake up early to drop off Gaby to work and then I'd have the whole day to myself.  I will always be grateful to her for opening the doors to her home and her car to me.  If you're reading this Gaby, thank you.  It's not easy to find friends like you and I would like you to know that I never take you for granted. 

From that trip as well, one of the best memories was when X surprised me at a bar.  I suspected he was on his way, he kept acting strange all night.  Sending me messages and asking about cover and who was playing.  When he showed up, I was so flattered.  I missed him a lot and this gesture just melted me.  Sick and sweet at the same time.  I fell in love all over again.

I started exercising around spring at least 2 to 3 times a week.  It started with the gym we have at the complex then I started using the wii playing the just dance games and zumba.  It's gone up to 3 to 4 times a week.  It really does make a difference.  Not only do my clothes feel better but my body feels better as well.  More energized.  I like to look good, but feeling more active is the best.  Makes you feel younger.  This new life style I hope to keep for life.  I'll surely try my best to do so.

One of my other good friends, Nety, took me out for my birthday.  That's a great memory from 2010 as well.  I hadn't really hung out with her in some time, so she surprised me by taking me to dinner and drinks.  It was so nice that I almost felt like I had to fuck her afterwards.  She didn't put the moves on me so I just thanked her.  :p  I wish I couldve done the same for her, but she has many friends and family who already had plans with her.  I believe she went out of town.  I owe her one for sure though.

Got a new job.  A little different from what I've been doing, but not too much.  Dealing with lazy people is not something new to me.  That's all I have to say about that.

My son is in his 2nd year of college.  Very proud of him, but I always have been and I always will be.

No lawsuits this year that I had to help out with.  That's a good thing, especially since we were still paying for the one for the year before. 

Summertime.  San Japan.  Always a good time. 

I sang karaoke with a bunch of chickens... I mean chicks... at my sister's birthday party.  Loud yes, but I had fun.

My sister was very ill for a couple of months.  Sure that's sad but she came out of it ok and that's worth mentioning. 

Little things here and there that I may not remember.  Good laughs, good cries, good food, good drinks(the discovery of cucumber martinis), arguments, disagreements and great discussions (personal and political).   

And let's not forget the good friends that shared last year with me.  All of them, I hope, will last a lifetime.

So to end this little rant, this new year tastes the same to me so far as last year, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Salud!