Random rant of the day- Irresponsibility and "babies"

I will discourage anybody and everybody from having children, unless it's your first one AND you have the means to support it AND you only plan to have ONE.  If you dont have the patience with a dog or a fish, then you bet your ass you won't have the patience with a person.  Because it is not a BABY, it is a complete person.  They grow up.  And they talk (man do they talk) and they run and they want your attention 90% of the time.  So please, do us all a favor, if you can't educate, love, pay attention to and maintain your child properly, don't breed.  You may think you can do it and that you are ready for it, but even the best parents were not ready.  Years go by and moms realize "oh shit this wasnt for me" after 2-5 kids.  You already did it, it was your choice, now be responsible until theyre at least 18.  And believe me, that's not even the end.  There are exceptions where you can have more than 1 and be great but it's very minimal and if you are that exception, congrats to you.  Otherwise, just stick to 1 or none.   Thank you.

Antsy

Today is one of those days I just feel antsy and I am sitting here at work just wanting to go home.

No, I am not having a bad day, or have an extreme amount of work.  In fact, my boss is out of town for a few days so this should really feel like vacation.

I don't know what it is but at this moment I feel like screaming.

I want to do something to my house.  I have been living there for a year and a half and I feel like I have not accomplished much.  Everything requires money or time.  For the most part, I think time is probably my worst enemy. 

I hate to admit it but our apartment looked nicer and more complete because we didn't have as much space and we didn't have 3 dogs.  We clean up more because of all the dirt the dogs bring in.  As much as I want to be patient and get more energy to clean up more on a daily basis, I just cant.  I'm always too tired.  Not to mention the fact that I have to drive a lot every day because we decided that 25 minutes away from work was not such a big deal. 

Then there's the money issue.  I am so broke.  This summer was brutal when it came to money.  I feel like we splurged way too much.  And yet, we were always tight.  I can't even plan a weekend getaway.  Hell I can't even go out on a date.  Last time we went, we used the help of a gift certificate he got from work, otherwise it wouldn't have happened.  Then we fell asleep, because AGAIN, we are so tired. 

I wonder.. is this it?  Is this the beginning of the fucking end already?  Are we that old??  Seems like it sometimes.  I am not complaining about my life, I have a nice life, but right now, I just don't feel like I have accomplished much.  I wish at least my house looked better.

*End rant for now.

Unfaithfully yours

I was having a conversation with someone about what it means to be loyal or faithful to their significant other.  I think that when we are happy in a relationship, there's no need to stray.  It all depends on the kind of relationship one has of course.  I mean, there's people out there who have open relationships and they allow for their other half to mess around.  Then there's also swingers and such.  But we were talking about what society calls a "normal" relationship or monogamous.  Well, this person thinks that when people get married, they tend to stray more than when they are in a committed relationship.  It's like that little paper just makes people crazy or something.  When one is in a relationship, it's because they want to be in it.  When the law tells us that we have to be in that relationship because we signed a paper, then all of a sudden people feel trapped .  I don't think all this is necessarily true for everyone.  There's all types of people.  And some are more loyal than others no matter what their status is.

According to another well known and trusted source of mine, we are all capable of straying no matter what the status is because we, as humans, can't help it.  What differs from us and animals is our education.   Society has trained us to believe we are meant to be monogamous.  We are pretty well convinced that this is the best way to go about it and really, it sort of is.  We share finances and family together.  We develop comfort and that person becomes too familiar so it is hard to just discard it.  But when our instincts kick in, we really are just animals.  Some people think it's worth the risk.  Sex, after all, feels damn good.
We differ from animals because it's what has been instilled in us and we don't want to hurt or lose those we love and still enjoy the company of. 

If only we could all be free and love whoever we want at any time and just be happy and not make a big deal.  Could we really?

Unfortunately, we can't, at least not all of us.  Being human is complicated.  We have jealousy issues.  Most of us are just born that way.  And even if we could put jealousy aside, we have other issues like property and ownership of things we share together.  If we were to love freely and not care, fine, but what about our stuff?  What if person number 3 wants in on stuff that cost us work and money and was once shared by the immense monogamous love we once felt.  It's not easy to let go just like that.  It'd be awesome if we could all just share right?  Each other and our stuff.  But we're not built that way.  Strange how sharing can drive us up the wall.  Fear of losing some or all of the attention.  I think even people that are ok with sharing themselves come to a point in the relationship when they don't want to do it anymore.  Who knows.

So, thinking about all this, I realized that we will, for the most part, be faithful.  It's what we are taught to do.  It's what we know is the right thing to do.  Do we want to be faithful all the time?  Yes,  that's what we are aiming for.  Although, we will get urges or temptations every now and then, we strive to be perfect human beings.  So can we be faithful?  Absolutely.  Can we be faithful in our minds 100% for the rest of our lives?  I don't think so.  It just is what it is. 

PS.  There's probably people reading this already feeling paranoid and that tickles me a bit.

Clara

This is Clara.   Maybe.  Still not sure if that will be her official name.  I know it may seem too soon.  River has only been gone a month.  But this opportunity came up and I couldn't pass her up. 
I adopted her from a family that had both mom and dad bassets.  But in a way she is sort of a rescue.  This baby is 2 months old and the family couldn't afford her immunization shots.  I took her to the vet immediately.  Make sure she's taken care of.
Anyway, just wanted to introduce my new baby.

Bad news day

Isn't it crazy how things can change from one second to the next?  You go about your monotonous life on a daily basis almost like you're numb.  Weekdays are like that for me.  At least that's how I live.  Just waiting for the weekend to arrive.  But for the most part my weekdays are almost robotic.  Uneventful. 

It takes something someone says to change your attitude.  It can be something trivial like a joke and you go from eh to lol.  Or something your bitch coworker tells you that makes you want to throw the stapler at her.  Then there's times you get really bad news.  Shakes you up.  Stops you dead on your tracks and wakes you up.  After the shock, you begin thinking about all the good things you can and should enjoy in whatever time you have left on this earth.

It's a given that we only REALLY think about our lives until someone dies, or is dying, or you lost your job, or you had an accident, etc... Why is that?  Everyone always says live everyday like it's your last.  Should we really?  Can we?  I think it's kinda hard if you really think about it.  Because you have to make everything you do eventful.  Then how do you even enjoy a good time if that's all you have?  Good times will become monotonous and then what? 

Nah, don't try to live your life every day like it's your last.  The Doctor says: "There's loads of boring stuff. Like Sundays and Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons. But now and then there are Saturdays."  We need our monotonous life in order to enjoy the really good parts.  The parts that make the best memories.  Because in the end, that's all we are.  A bunch of memories.  We all come here, do our thing, make our mark and leave.  Does it matter after we're gone?  Only to those left behind I guess.  And when you are enjoying your time the way you really like to enjoy it, REALLY embrace it and THAT's when you do it like it's the last time. 

I received some sad news today.  Worry some news.  The kind of news that leaves you helpless and all you can do is wait.  Something bad is going to happen and it is completely inevitable.  Even though nothing can be done, one still worries and feels heavy with despair.  At the same time, why just sit there?  Let's do something meaningful.  There's no time like now to do something memorable.

If all else fails, it's important to let your presence be known in times like this.  It's the least one can do. 

In the meantime, enjoy the time you have left as much as you can.  Enjoy even the boring parts.  Eric Draven said nothing is trivial.  I think there's some truth to that.

Taking a small break

Hectic day here at work and I need to calm down and take a little break and just throw shit all over the office.  That will only make things worse though, so I'll just complain about it here.  That sometimes helps.

I hate it that I can't get everything done when I plan to.  I have a schedule and a rhythm with my job and it's never perfect.  In fact, it's always messed with by my bosses.  Today is worse than the usual though.

It also doesn't help when you have a coworker who just doesn't want to be part of the team.  This person does minimal work around here but is quick to point fingers when something goes awry.  I don't name names around here so we will call he/her B.   Well B really pissed me off today.  The business mgr here is a pain in the ass and is always nitpicking at everything we do.  B has decided that the bus mgr needs to know everything we do around here and it's not sitting well with the rest of the team.  I don't have time to deal with weak people.  And I usually don't.  I go about my merry way and do my job.  But today, it REALLY got to me.  So I decided to calm down and just take a break, write a little story and vent a bit.  My headache hasn't gone away, but I think I can think straight again.

I know I have readers out there.  I see my ticker.  So to all who read, I hope I have entertained you once again with my simple life.  I know it took me about 2-3 years to come back and sadly it was the passing of my River that brought me back, but I'm glad I am.  I forgot how much writing makes me ease up, take a step back and review things before I go apeshit.  Hopefully I can start getting some replies in the future.

My son

Just wanted to post that here.  I guess just testing my phone app.  So far, it's not bad.  Simple.  Not like one can get too inspired blogging with the phone.  But quite useful when doing a quick blog about food or just something you come across out and about.

River

One day you came into my life.  I wasn't really looking for you, at least that's what I thought.  I wanted you to bring some joy to a certain someone who is very special to me.  I knew getting a dog would bring him happiness.  He had been asking for a while.  I went looking for something not knowing what I would find.  But I knew that day, I would take someone home with me.

 

Do you have this breed?  I asked.  I had a breed like you one time before, but that's another story for another time.

The young lady said, we do.  So she took me to meet you.
 

You came out of that little dog house (too small for you I might add) and you looked at me with those big brown eyes almost as if you were asking me if I was there for you.  You were so sickly and skinny and I thought you may not even last.  Why would I risk taking someone with me that would probably die in days?  Or Someone who would surely cost me money in medical bills?  But you came to me and put your head under my hand.  You picked me and all of a sudden I felt so lucky.  Then you looked at me again and I knew I could never leave you.  You won me over in the first 5 seconds of our life together.  That's more than I can say for anyone I have ever met in my life.  This I swear.

 

I told the lady you were coming home with me.  As I was about to pay for the adoption fee, I was told I needed cash.  So I rushed to the nearest ATM and barely made it back in time.  I can only imagine the heartache you must have felt as you saw me leave.  I hope you felt relief when you saw I was back.  I was upset they had taken you back to that smelly cage instead of waiting for me.  But I was happy knowing I took you out of that hell.

 

It was Valentines day.  And after the whole surprise was over and done with I started to worry.  You were a responsibility and I didn't know if I was up for it.  I thought I could find you a good home if it didn't work out.  The thought of returning you came up, but I knew I couldn't do that.  So we agreed to keep you for a few weeks and see if we could handle it.  If not we would find you a better home.

 

The first weeks were so taxing as you were very sick and depressed.  Your last family left you behind and I am sure you were heartbroken.  But I was not about to give up on you.  I was determined to give you the best care and attention until you came back.  It took us about 3 months of medicine and nurturing to make you bounce back to life.  We even adopted a puppy to keep you company while we were not at home.  You would take care of each other. 

 

As your sickness and sadness tapered away, we started to really know you and as the days went by I began to realize how amazing you were and how lucky we were to have found you.  I couldn't understand how anyone could leave you behind. I was and am still jealous of those people who got to spend more time with you.  Who got to know you as a baby.  I wish I would've been so lucky.

 

All the little things you did, even your every day annoyances were something special.  The way you always begged to jump into the bathtub and your obsession with water.  The fact that you only liked to drink water out of a spout.  The way you wailed and wagged your tail so hard when you got excited.  We would always refer to your tail as your Godzilla tail.  It was loud as you would bang it on the floor; and heavy and fast at the same time when you were standing up, so much so that you took out objects in the way of it.  Our other dog Rory has always been out of control but he learned to respect you.  And only when you would allow it he could mess with you.  He also got slapped in the face with Godzilla more than once.  Funny thing is, it never seemed to bother him.  He'd just flinch.  He loved you so much.  We all did.  And we know you loved everyone you came in contact with.  You were just so full of love.

I know people own dogs and they come and go for some. And you came at a time I didn't really want a pet.  You won me over almost immediately with your outstanding personality.  I mean it when I say I never met a dog like you.  You were great.  And even though I now have to go through the heartbreak of losing you, I don't regret a thing.  I only shared 1 year and 4 months with you and dammit I wish it would have lasted longer.  I know I'll never find another soul like yours.  I hate coming home and not finding you at the door wagging your tail like crazy, happy to see us.  I hate coming down the stairs and not see you at your favorite spot... your daddy's couch.  I hate that you will not be there at our next get together.  How you loved those parties and the ribs.  You knew friends over meant ribs.  So many memories you are leaving us and so many un-lived moments I wish we had.  You were my baby and I will always miss you.  And that is why I'm writing this.  Because I want to never forget your story.  

Some people think dogs aren't worth so much grief.  I disagree, a dog's soul is more pure and innocent than any human.  And while most people take them for granted, treat them as an addition to the house, some sort of decor or guard dog, they are more than that.   A dog is your most faithful companion.  A dog will never judge you and is always happy to see you.  While they are some part of your life, you are EVERYTHING to them.  YOU are their whole world.  And I know to my River, we were just that.  And so she was ours as well.