August

During a time when depression was still prevalent in the house.  Not to say it doesn't still linger, but we had just lost our Clara a few weeks before.  I decided (with the ok of X) it was time to do something I had been wanting to do and also in honor of both Clara and Rory.  I also thought it would mend our souls at least a bit with everything we had been through in the past 15 months.  So we started volunteering as foster parents for a dog rescue.  As soon as I got the ok from the rescue, we dove right in.  

It was Sunday August 25th.  Ash contacts me and tells me this girl needs our help.  She is going to get euthanized the very next day.  I said, she looks a little too big than we can handle but screw it, let's hit the ground running.  This was her.  I think they called her Tuxie in the slammer.  I was definitely nervous.

Monday, August 26th, 2024.  They bring her out.  We immediately get kisses.  She was loving from day 1.  Who were you before us?  Who had you and let you go?  What happened to your babies?  We know at least one got adopted through the shelter.  

A few baths, brushes, days of trying to acclimate herself with the rest of the pack, she just fit right in.  Finally opened up herself to us.  Too many stories to share in one blog.  It was 4 months of love and falling in love.  She restored our hearts.  Made us see that like her, more need saving.  That any dog is worth to give the opportunity to live.  She mended our hearts as we mended hers. We know she lost all her babies.  But we dont have any history about her past, her old owners (if she had any), her old home, her old pack and all her babies, recent or older, if any.  We know, she was captured with one of her pups and he got adopted out.  That she was left alone and heartbroken.  We were exactly what we all needed at the time.

She now belongs to her real family, we were just a temporary stop to prepare her for her true happiness.  A family that has gone through some heartbreak from what I was told.  She is taking all we taught her and shared with her and passing it along.  She will save them too.

I hope you dream about me every now and then, I know I will.  Or when you suddenly hear a Taylor Swift song, it will take you back to our Eras nights while I held you and you were falling asleep, Id sing some of her folksy songs to you.  Even if it is just a split second we can relive our moments and smile. 

August now marks the month that changed my life for the better.  What began as a tribute to my pets that have passed on, is now a commitement to continue my efforts to save as many souls as I can.

And now it is December, almost Christmas.  4 months went by so quick but they are filled with memories.  People say you never forget your first.  But that is not why I will remember you.  It wasnt because you were my first official foster.  I will remember you because it was you.  My sweet Ruby.

"August slipped away into a moment in time, cause it was never mine".- TS

Clara 5/20/2013-7/20/2024

My warm goldita.  Mi mamas goldas.  I am going to miss you so much.  The fact that your usual scent was of warm milk and oatmeal, oh man I am going to miss that smell so much.  And your warm kisses whenever you felt like showing affection.  Your breathing on my leg when you wanted a snack from the table.  There are so many anecdotes and memories to fit into just this one blog.  

Like that time you got your head stuck in a bag of charcoal, or when you always tried to take my towel off my head after I showered.  You would be on top of the bed waiting for me to exit the bathroom and your tail would start going crazy.  I'm going to miss that sound.  The way you would bark incessantly at any worker that went to the house.  You even went on a little adventure with Duncan and went missing for a few hours a few years ago in July.  You wanted to go live with the cows.  So many memories.

You meant a lot to me.  We did everything to give you a dignified life although we knew it was just a matter of time.  The extra time you gave us was beautiful, with some ups and some downs but more ups than downs; and I believe we did good by you in these last 9 months when it came to quality of life after we found out you had cancer.  You showed us you were happy, you were so loving, energetic and passionate about taking on the role of alpha after Rory left us.  I have no regrets.  If I knew 9 months ago that that day would be the last day, I would not change a thing.  Every sacrifice, every dollar spent, every hour spent with you was worth it and I am sure in your own way you enjoyed the time you had left with the people that you loved and that includes Duncan and Amelia.  I think they are still in shock.  They seem a little lost without you.  We all do.  

We are all born to die, it is what we do in between that matters.  I will remember the good times you gave us and I will smile when I think about you.  RIP my sweet goldita.  I will never forget you and will miss you forever.

Rory

Yesterday we had to say goodbye to our most loyal friend.  Our baby.  Our pedatito.  Rory.  

What can I say about one of our oldest companions?  How do you fit in 11 1/2 years of love, companionship, anecdotes, trips, licks, hugs, stretches, pictures, amazing times in just one blog.  It wouldnt fit in just one blog.  There is just no way.

Right now I dont have the words.  I know one day I will be inspired to write something more beautiful about my Rory, honoring him the way he should be honored.  But not today.  Today it is just dark.

All I can say today is that there is a hole in my heart.  I feel like I got punched in the stomach and all the air is out and I can hardly breathe.  

I am trying to cope by using logic, but it isnt working.  That hole is still there.  I know in time I will heal and I will be ok.  I have to be.  But right now I feel empty.  

I already miss my little baby boy.  Although he had been sick for a while and he wasn't the same Rory as before, I was ready to take care of my little old man.  But they gave us bad news at the vet's office.  And the damage done to his liver was irreversible.  He was skin and bones and had not eaten a full meal in days.  It was just a matter of time and it was coming in quick.  So we did the selfless thing to do, at the expense of our hearts, but it was the right thing to do for him.  

I will come back here and share some stories of him, of happier days.  But I had to mark this very meaningful occasion and just say, as much as it pains me, that he is no longer in this world.

My beautiful pedatito.  I will always remember you as the fighter that you were.  With all the medical issues you had, it never showed, at least not until the very end.  11 wonderful years.  Thank you my baby.  

Happy birthday dad

Today you would have been 72 years old.  All this week I would have been planning your dinner or get together, it was weird not to do so.  I am so glad we threw a nice shindig last year for you.  I had no idea it would be your last but such is life, such is death.  It still feels like it wasnt that long ago.  I miss you dad.  I am sure I always will.  I know you live in me and I feel your presence sometimes when I say certain things or when I know exactly what you would say on certain ocassions and I smile when that happens.  You would never want us to be sad and I know you would love to be remembered with a smile.  So I will do just that.  Happy birthday Papi!  I love you.

PS.  There is a solar eclipse today.  You would have been all into that and would probably be writing about it for your radio talk show.  :)

 

Ghosts Again- Memento Mori

Recently, I went to a Depache Mode concert.  Suffice to say, I did not expect what I got.  I have always been somewhat of a fan and always found Dave's (frontman) voice sexy and mysterious so I thought I was getting some sort of dark sexy show.  And it was in some parts.  But I was not expecting to also see and hear dread.  Unbeknownst to me, one of the band members passed away a year ago.  So the conversation of death was present in their new material and having never even heard their new stuff, I felt it.  Especially when they sung "Speak to me", which is dark but full of hope.

But there was another song in their setlist that was also new to me called Ghosts Again.  At first I liked the tune as it reminded me of something from my youth.  Sounded like the group Moenia a bit.  Then I heard it again on my own and it quickly became one of my favorite songs.  The lyrics arent detailed or complex, but hit hard to the reality that we are all going to die one day.  I mean, their album is called Memento Mori, which means, remember we all must die.  It's true.

I dont know if it was the pandemic or the fact that I am getting older or both, but I have lost so many people in the past 3 1/2 years.  People that I wouldnt think it was their time because they werent old.  And they all hurt.  When someone dies, it is always a reminder of how short life can be and how death is inevitable but then time heals you and you forget.

Then someone very close to you dies.  In my case, my father.  He was always there, always present.  Someone who has been there all your life.  Has seen you through everything in your own life, a baby, a child, a teenager, an adult, a mother.... just always there and then... he's not, just gone.  As the song says, "everybody says goodbye".  Because it is true, eventually if you dont leave, you get left behind.  It is just natural and it is inevitable.  There is nothing truer than memento mori.

I leave you with the music video and song.  Below an article and the band's take on the song.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I have these past couple of weeks.

February 10, 2023  Music / Premium
Depeche Mode, Ghosts Again: the lyrics & their meaning
Posted by Auralcrave
Ghosts Again is a song released by Depeche Mode in 2023, the first single anticipating their album Memento Mori. It represents the first music officially released after the death of their keyboardist Andy Fletcher in 2022: Depeche Mode are now composed only of Dave Gahan and Martin Gore, two survivors dealing with death in their new album. Let’s analyze the meaning of the lyrics and how it fits the latest phase of their career. You will also find the complete lyrics at the end.
You can watch the official video of Ghosts Again below.
Depeche Mode - Ghosts Again (Official Video)
Watch this video on YouTube.
Dealing with death: Ghosts Again, the lyrics and their meaning
Ghosts Again is a song about death and mortality. In the lyrics, Depeche Mode reflects on how life looks temporary, and weightless, when we think about death and how it can suddenly put everything into a different perspective. In the video, Martin Gore and Dave Gahan reenact the historical chess game with the Death from Ingmar Bergman’s The Seventh Seal, a symbol of the impossible challenge for a human to win over death.

The lyrics of Ghosts Again are short and highly symbolic. They describe how things in life can suddenly disappear, break, and vanish. Reflecting on our mortal nature, we realize that one day we will be ghosts (again), dissolving our material consistency.

It’s a series of thoughts that don’t really bring us in any specific direction. If any, they invite us to be less attached to the material things of life: they will all be gone, and they can disappear in a single moment if death comes to visit us. Even faith and love can’t help: inevitably, life will turn into a ghost one day.

The meaning of the lyrics in Ghosts Again, therefore, represents Depeche Mode’s first take on life and death, after Andy Fletcher left the world. Memento Mori, the title of their new album, is a Latin expression meaning “remember you must die,” revealing that death will be a heavy topic of their music in 2023. Let’s wait for more songs and words in the upcoming months.