Nostalgia of a time I didnt really live...

Has this happened to anyone else?

I was listening to Stone in Love by Journey.  And I was paying attention to the lyrics.  There's something very nostalgic and pure about them.  I read up on them and found out that Steve Perry wrote those lyrics based on his youth and a specific experience he had.  What a time right?  I wasn't there but I really felt it in his music and vocal melody.  It transports you, even if you werent even there.... But I wish I was.  That's what a good song does.

It does take me back to a time where everything looked like being looked at from a sepia picture.  I was there for that myself, there's pictures to prove it.  I was a child, not even a teen.  By the time I was a teen, those brownish orange and beige moments were over.  But I remember and I keep them fondly.  Such innocence will never be back.  Where is Morpheus with that blue pill?  I know it doesnt work that way, but you get my drift.

I have been listening to yacht rock lately.  Then my sister invites me to an Air Supply concert a couple of weeks ago.  I was like ok whatever but then it all came back.  I had forgotten how many hits they had.  Really cool vibe.

Anyway, thought Id share my random thought of the day before I pack up and head home. 

It's been 3 years.... what have you missed?

Vivi graduated highschool.  

Christian is now Nora.  

Mina left and then came back to live with us.

 Rory died then Clara soon after.  

Trump is president again.  

X lost his job soon after you left.  Couldnt find anything for a couple of years.  An opportunity opened where I work and now he does our marketing.  

Ana now sells insurance and is quite succesful at it.  You would be proud.

Mother hasnt really changed.  She at least has several groups of friends she hangs with.  She misses you.  We all do.  Very much. 

This town is still the same.  Nothing changes around here.  It is still the same boring ass town.

We started fostering dogs right after Clara left us.  We adopted 2 dogs out of there, Augie and Johnny.

We still have Amelia and Duncan.

I lost some weight and I think I have been pretty good at keeping it at a healthy level.  X lost a ton of weight.  

My service guy got deported a few weeks ago. 

We just went back to the moon. They took pictures of the other side of the moon.  Historic.  You would have loved that. 

Im currently watching the last season of Outlander.  You would have loved these last 2 seasons. 

Life goes on,  they say.  We move on.   And we do,  they're not wrong.  But I think I'll always miss you.  I sometimes find myself thinking to call you so I can share something I know you'd get.  Its dissapointing every single time.  I force myself to smile and pretend that I did tell you and we both got a kick out of it.  It's my way of coping.

I know there's probably a bunch of stuff I forgot to mention.  It's ok.  I'll talk to you later. 

PS.  Come visit me in my dreams later?  Hope to see you. 

I hate it here today

I dont even know where to start, what to even say.

I still feel the knives in my back.  There is no consideration.  And I am not even sure anything will change.

I am a fucking joke to everyone around me.  The people I love and trust the most don't treat me seriously.

I keep hearing people fear me.  HA!  Fucking joke.

I try to be friendly, but anything I say is not important.  Nobody responds.  Nobody cares about what I have to say.

I feel stuck.  I have no social life here.  I just wanna leave.

I am ready to leave this ugly feeling behind as I grow just a little bit colder. 

I'm going out tonight.  But I wont be the same tomorrow.