My relationship with my first husband should have been just someone who I dated. I was hearing music from the 90s and it triggered a memory of when I first met him. We had so much fun. We were so young. It should have only been a fun fall to spring fling and then it would have died down. I am sure of it.
It sounds cruel I know. I was preggers and I really wanted to try to make it work. We were married for 13 years. Really truly married for 12 since the last year was basically me trying to leave and left and months of just trying to survive while seprated.
In those years, we had our fair share of good friends and good times. He really was a fun guy, but looking back I didnt really know him when we got married. We had been dating for 5 months when I got pregnant. I was 18. Jesus, now thinking about it and having all this experience on me, I cannot believe I went through with it. I wanted my kid, of that I am sure of, but I was unsure of marrying someone I hardly knew. My parents made it sound like I had no choice, so I had to try to make it work. Looking back at that time, I was kinda hoping they would see my side of it and let me try being a single mother. I can't believe my parents pushed for marriage. They didnt even know him. I always felt like they were punishing me for having sex and getting pregnant. Such is life I guess.
I'm not hating on it. After all, those experiences partly shaped who I am now.
But going back to my original point. If I were to think of us as just dating and someone who I dated for a while when I was 18, I would like to think that it would be a fun memory. It was nice to remember the person he was when we first met. Who knows what would have been or who we would be had we not been pressured to go thru with the marriage.
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