I won't back down....

I am listening to Pandora and this song from Tom Petty came on and because I had no clue what to name this blog, I named it that.

So I know that I can get myself in trouble more often than not because of things I say. I can be hurtful sometimes. But I am probably one of the most honest people you will ever meet. And I mean well. I really do. I don't have an evil bone in me. Ok, maybe 1 or 2. But not vicious. Just human I guess.

I don't give a shit what people think of me. Yet, my parents, mainly my mother, still have a certain hold of me. And I say certain because I still do as I please, but they always find a way to make me feel shitty. I seriously don't understand what their problem is. And it's not fighting or anything, they just say the wrong things. I had a talk with them this last time and I don't think they paid too much attention. My mother will never admit she's wrong. Not to her children anyway. Maybe next time when I walk out on her while she's yapping her bullshit, she'll get it. Nah, she will probably turn it around and make it all about her... hmm... sounds familiar. Hey, at least I recognize it when I fuck up. I've learned how to apologize when I used to never, ever do it. It was really tough for me to change that about me. I think I'm more humble than she is.

Maybe my parents have never seen me this happy. I was always a bitter sarcastic bitch. YES, more than I am today. Even though it wasn't all bad, I was in a marriage I didn't want to be in. I was just not happy. It wasn't fulfilling. For a long time I lived the way everyone else expected me to. Sure, some people may think I still got away with a bunch of shit, but believe me, I WAS unhappy. When I decided to leave, I stepped on some people and I wish there would've been an easier way but there never is. I did what I could with what I had. And like I've said before, you have to be selfish in life sometimes to achieve your goals. I think my parents can't understand that. My mother is just jealous of anything I like or love that has nothing to do with her. She was like that with my ex-husband, my friends, my job, etc. And now that I think about it, she was like that with ALL my friends. Yeah, even the ones that were family. I remember when I was married, she said my ex-husband was a drunk and so were all my friends. I used to hang out with my dad's cousin a lot when I recently got divorced. She didn't like that either, said we drank too much. Then I moved in with X and even though I hardly go out anymore, she thinks I drink a lot too. Maybe she wants me to drink with her. I dunno. But I'm tired of her shit.

She's a pain in the ass but I tolerate it, because she's my mom and I do love her. But then when I do go see her and my dad, they both always have something to say. Something negative. Why does there always need to be a lecture? Ugh. I mean, even though I am not there every day, she will have to learn that people have lives that don't include them. Sad maybe, but parents do become our sub-life. She asks what am I going to do if one of them dies and the other becomes sick and/or senile. Dude, you're like 56, that's not gonna happen anytime soon. We'll figure it out if it ever does. Guilt will not work on me. I'm selfish, sorry. After all this, I told her I might move to Austin one day. I'll start going to school here but maybe I'll finish there, I dunno. She didn't like that either. What does she want? For me to be on standby in case she needs me? She's nuts. That's just no way to live. I mean, for all we know I may get sick one day and what? Am I going to look to see who is going to put their shit aside so they can help me? No. That's just irresponsible. Sorry mom, but I am not gonna be stuck here all my life just because one day you may become ill. With any luck, I would have finished my school and have a decent paying job so that I can afford to bring you home with me and I can pay for a palomita. And if I can't afford that, I'll figure it out then. But for now, shut up. This is my only life and I intend to live it.

Enough of my parents.

I didn't write this so people understand me better or praise me for being such a bad ass. I just felt like putting it out there so people that are weak know that just because you whine and give guilt trips, it won't get you anywhere. Not with people like us. So stop wasting your time.

WOW

As if things weren't hectic around here already.

The person in charge of giving out vouchers, gas cards, gift cards, etc... quit last night. Now someone else had to take over and another person is absent. AND it's Friday. Oh Lord it's gonna be a good one today. Ugh. I hope it storms today and everyone just stays home.

Speaking of another wow, I logged into WoW last night and tried leveling up my druid. I say tried because I only did one instance and my dps was crap and like I mentioned to X, I LIKE to quest. For some reason I just can't find excitement in it anymore. Maybe because I already did it? I find going into the Nexus over and over again just fucking lame. And questing could be ok, but for some reason I just feel like I'm doing something wrong. This whole gear/dps thing just killed it for me. I know it is very useful to know your gear and stuff, but before I used to just follow the quests without worrying too much about gear and any quest greens or blues i'd get were awesome. Now it's like, I need something crafted, I need to run this instance, I need my dps to be higher... I'm a fucking level 73 for fucks sake, who cares? Yet I still do because that's what I'm used to seeing nowadays. Ugh. It just doesnt do it for me anymore.

I hope cataclysm is the hair of the dog for the very long hangover WoW has been lately.

Slow day

I really don't have many options here at work to entertain myself. Almost everything cool is blocked. Thankfully, I have my blog to entertain me.

Fuck. My mind is blank. This is not going to be a good blog. I'm just ranting.

So I'm seriously thinking of going back to school. So is half of the country, I know. I need to plan it carefully though. X says he will carry me but I just don't know... I have always depended on myself.

**Sidebar**Ugh, this thing doesn't automatically correct mispelled words, I'm so spoiled. Which is funny because I just said I'm independent. Apparently not when it comes to blogging. I'm a slave to auto corrections. On the other hand, auto correction programs put shit in your sentences that don't even make sense. So, you have to double check anyway. I still depend on it though. I know, I'm lame. **

Going back to the school thing. I even thought about those stupid trainings, but they just always felt like they were a big fraud. Now that I work where I work, I KNOW they are. (Yes Issac, I know you always said it). People finish the "training", get their certification and then they soon realize that they owe the "school" like 10k, even though they applied for financial aid. In the middle of it, you realize that what you got was a loan. For what? a certificate? You might as well get an associates if you're willing to get into debt that much. Because you can get it in less time? It's a bunch of shit. Just don't do it. Invest your time in regular college, even if it takes longer. This place does help financially with those trainings. But even then, you finish and they STILL won't hire you bc there's not that much demand. Not only that, but apparently they don't even train you correctly. I heard a story about this doctor who hired a phlebotomist who was finacially assisted by our company and the guy called very dissapointed because the girl had no clue as to how to go about drawing blood. WTF??? That's just crazy. What the hell did she spend her time in while in school? Sigh.
So college it is. I don't know when. I'm sure it will be as soon as Rob leaves for college himself. Everything will change, I know it. First off, I'm probably going to freak out when Rob leaves. As much as I have prepared myself mentally, I am pretty sure I'm gonna need pills for the transition. On the positive side, he seems very excited. He already has a group of friends that are also going to College Station and they are looking for a place. He's gonna suffer, but he'll figure it out. Secondly, we will most likely move from that apartment to a smaller place since I will probably need to downgrade to a part time job. I'm used to my nice apartment, but fuck it, sacrifices need to be made and a few years later, I'm confident that we will have an even nicer place.

I really need this. I know I am very experienced in almost every administrative and management field out there, but nobody gives me the credit I deserve. So I am getting MY credit and shoving it up their asses. If not in this rotting town, then in another one. And it's not just that, I want this. I feel incomplete without it and I've been procrastinating about it too long already. I'm doing this.

I kind of feel like I finally have a plan. I've always just done whatever I felt like doing and gotten away with it. Mostly because I am not an evil person. I've been selfish most of my life but for the most part, I have only been sorry a handful of times. I believe that you can be selfless when it really counts, but you don't have to be all the time. And if you don't think and do for yourself in this life, nobody else will.

Barely 4 PM huh? Damn it. I was hoping it was closer to 5. This blog is too long already though. I'll write another one if it gets boring again.

Summer!! Don't go yet!

I went shopping this weekend and all I saw was yellow and orange colors. I see the word harvest, Halloween, Autumn everywhere. Now don't get me wrong, I really do love this time of year. Halloween is my favorite "holiday".

I just don't think I am ready to let go of summer just yet. I refuse! Laredo is usually summer like at least until the end of September. I need a tan. I was still a bit hopeful I could go to the beach. :( I've been going to the gym every other day and for what? These days only bring fatness to people. Candy, cupcakes, pies, hot chocolate, lattes and cappuccinos. FATNESS!

Sigh. It's been raining for days. I just needed Saturday or Sunday to tan. I hope next weekend I can catch some sun.

On the upside of all of this, I can't wait to bake stuff. This is the time I make TONS of food. I follow Paula Dean on twitter and she posted a link with a bunch of apple recipes. There's an apple cake with my name on it. Also, I am curious about a cinnamon apple meatloaf. I'm not too sure if I like the idea or not.

Next weekend is my sister's birthday. Well, her birthday is Thursday but she's having a party this weekend. I hope she tells her friends not to take kids. If kids go, I won't last long there. I love my sister but last time I went to a party of hers, it was a Xmas party and OMG the kids that went were HORRIBLE children. I don't think the parents know about a little something called education. They wrote on her walls, the broke some cds, they were making too much noise, like animals. I can't stand spoiled and bad behaved children. Some people should just not be allowed to breed. Anyway, I'm going to her party and hopefully it's just for adults. We'll see.

It's raining again. Pouring actually. I love it but I hope I can get just a couple of hours of sun next weekend. Then it can rain again. And then I'll welcome harvest with open arms. :)

Saturday afternoon

Went out last night with some friends, had a nice dinner with wine and then we went to have possibly the most delicious cocktails ever....cucumber martinis. It's like eating cucumbers with lime and chile with a buzz. Just perfect. Drank too much though. Still, woke up kinda early today, but didn't leave my bed until 9.30 or so.... ok more like 10.

Been craving steak and eggs for a while, so I went to the store and got some ribeyes. Sooo delicious! I don't think I can eat again for another 8 hours, which is fine because I'm staying home tonight and playing video games with a couple of friends. I'm thinking of baking cupcakes or brownies, or both.

I'm happy not to be moving at all. I'm so lazy today. I'm going to take my son out to buy him something for his bday. I know it's like a week and a half late but he always has plans. So today is the day. I've had money saved up for him for 2 weeks. Do you know how tough that is?

So this should be fun but short. He is after all a male. Males can't shop as much as we do. I really don't feel like being out there too much either. I am totally enjoying this. X has jazzy music in the background while he plays WoW and I'm laying down next to him just surfing the net. It's going to hurt to get up.

I changed my title

It used to be Life, opinions, the world... But it sounded way too serious... Like I was going to blog boring crap all the time.

In reality, this blog is basically just my brains throwing up on the net. Rants and raves if you may. I try my best not to make it boring.

Why pizza time? It's like a metaphor for break time. We use it in WoW all the time. Break time, smoke time, snack time, pee time, whatever time... 15 -20 minutes of enjoyable time = Pizza time. (Yes, pee time is enjoyable too)

That is all.

Test

I'm really having fun with all these net tools. First the blogger. Which, like I said before, is a lot more appealing than the FB notes and well, the myspace is kind of obsolete.

I'm playing around with igoogle today and I just remembered that igoogle has all these gadgets. So I looked for blogger and I found it. I thought it would just give me updates. The big surprise is that I can post updates there through here. It's cool, although it is missing all the little tools from blogger like font size, posting images and all that. So it's not as good as the real deal but it's good enough.

I'm only posting this blog because I want to see if it works or if it posts different... I'll keep you posted.

Blogging

I forgot how much I love blogging. It really releases my emotions and tensions. Plus, it's fun to throw my ideas and opinions out there. I don't know why I stopped. I had so much time when I was unemployed. I guess I was busy enjoying my time off that I put it off or something. And I did have some stories to tell. Man I have many to tell now, except that I signed a confidentiality contract and I can't really say too much.

Yeah I think I know why I stopped blogging. The job I had before this one was kind of public and I didn't want to get in trouble or get my dude in trouble either since he worked for the competition. It was very tense. So much so that I was very glad when I lost my job. I couldn't really express myself. My old boss really cornered me into a very uncomfortable situation. I was miserable and I couldn't quit because we all know that if you leave, you get no UI.

Well, I don't know if I will get as many readers here as I used to in myspace. Everyone has migrated to Facebook and even if I post a link, I am not too sure how this works with the comments. Like, I don't know if you can just comment without logging into blogger or gmail, but people are iffy about clicking on a link to read something. Back with myspace, it was right there, all you had to do was comment. And I tried the note thing with Facebook, but I just didn't like it so much. This is visually more attractive. It doesn't matter if I get readers or not, but I'll still share the link, just in case anyone cares.

So hopefully I'll start using this tool more. I started yesterday and I really enjoyed it.

Until next time.

Religion

Yeah, I went there. This is the first time in months I have blogged and this is my first blogger.com blog (I used to use myspace). I thought I lost my passion for some time. No, actually, I did. But that's another blog for another time. Today, I woke up thinking so many things about today. About what today represents and the dreams I had last night. So yeah, I'm gonna talk about it. I'm actually going to share my real thoughts about religion and possibly piss off some people. So fuck it. How else would I come back to blogging, if it's not with something controversial and touchy. Let's do this.
My opinion on religion is simple. Religion is man made. It was invented out of necessity so that people had something to hold on to. So that people can bear the atrocities of the world. Also, because the world needed rules. They also needed fear to control the villains of the earth. That's religion. Nothing more. People are ignorant by nature. As we all know, we are not born with knowledge and back when civilization was barely beginning, people were more ignorant and unscientific than now. But like in modern times, geniuses and intellectual people were born. I actually believe that the first people to bring up religion were crazy geniuses who invented a way to manipulate people. Poor, ignorant and gullible people. Hence the Old testament, the Qu'ran, the "teachings". People feared God or Gods in the beginning. So some prophets changed the rules a bit, realizing you can catch more flies with honey than hate. So an eye for an eye was not really the way to be. This is when Christianity really took off. Then when others saw how successful Christianity really was, we got variations. Pretty much with the same rules (thou shall not kill, thou shall not steal, etc..) but done to fit other group of people's needs.
Muslims are very extreme. Judaism is somewhat extreme. Christianity is more convenient. Catholics, born again Christians, Mormons, baptists, protestants, etc... all derive from Christianity. Each one claiming to be legitimate to the ways of the Lord and the way into heaven; including Islam and Jews.
Why am I thinking about this today? Because people have turned September 11 into a day about religious differences. This horrible day that happened so many years ago. The event that killed so many people for POLITICAL reasons has now been turned into a religion controversy. So today, I want to express my opinion on what religion is to a thinking person. I have another blog coming soon about this day, and what I think about this country and their arrogance, but I will talk about it on a different day, when people aren't too sensitive about the subject.
I was born and raised a catholic. I have good memories about it too (I was not one of the unlucky molested ones thankfully). The stories were beautiful; stories about a guy named Jesus and his mom Mary, kings, apostles, maidens, palaces and one God. Parables they call them. The Bible really is a great book. Very entertaining and full of everything, including sex, violence and magic. I am definitely not an expert so I may be wrong but the Old Testament is crazy and did not pair well with Jesus' teachings; so when he died they made the new one. I think that's pretty much how it went. Anyway, being a catholic and believing in God since I remember, it is really hard for me to discontinue the belief in everything that was taught to me. Religion has a way to guilt you for LIFE, even though I was always smarter than my religion classmates at any age. I questioned everything, but back then, because God wants it that way, was good enough to shut me up; I was smart enough not to get in trouble and shut it but it DID bother me. I won't lie. I did enjoy those parables. But now I am pretty certain they were made by very smart people who used their LOGIC. Stories. Like Pinocchio, who teaches us not to lie. What's the difference? Carlo Collodi was no apostle. Yet his story was just as fantastic as some parables. Scary too. And in the end teaches the kid to behave, mind their parents, don't lie, etc.. but without the guilt. That damn guilt.
Does God exist? I think there's something greater than us. I can't just leave that notion. There's so much in the world that can't be explained. So yeah, there is something. God, a wizard, mother nature. I don't think I should praise him. I respect him. But he made me the way I am for a reason, right? And I can think what I want. Or else he would've made robots. And if he did make me this smart only to keep testing me, my values and my person all together to see if I'm worthy, then that doesn't sound like something good. That sounds like an abusive relationship. No? Well that's my opinion. Do I think he will strike me for writing this? Nope. If something bad were to happen to me in the next 24 hours I will not blame this blog or my way of thinking or him. We make choices. If I choose to go left instead of right and I die, oh well. I guess I should've gone right. If some religious freak decides to kill me because of my idea, then that's that person's problem. Not mine. Not God's either.
Jesus. I like him. Very cool. The original hippie IMO. Promotes love and peace. I think he was more than that and I do believe his idea was pure. I think he was a gifted child who realized that religion was full of fear and hate. So he changed things a bit. Maybe he was the original David Copperfield. Made things appear and disappear. And he was smart enough to use that to make people look his way. Or maybe all the magic mentioned was just a tad exaggerated. After all, the bible was not written by Jesus himself but his apostles and other prophets. Genius. The original big story. This is what reporters live for. A man with the right idea. Betrayal. His body gets taken from his tomb (I'm sure they had no guards there). Suddenly it's the biggest story yet. And people STILL believe it. Even after all we know in this day and age.  We're so gullible I swear.
Now before you all get your panties all in a bundle, think about it. If some dude suddenly claims to be the son of God today and he performs tricks and such, would you believe him? Follow him? Write stories about him? Would you do as the apostles and leave your job, families, home? Do you really think the apostles didn't get shit from the women they left behind? The children they left behind? Is that good parenting? I am not saying they were bad people, but back then, what else was there to do right? Who knows? They needed it. The people needed it. What I do know, what my logic tells me is that we are smarter than this and all we really need is to be decent human beings. If you need prayer and churches and some dude telling you what to do in the name of an invisible being, then so be it. If that makes you feel better, go for it. But just because it makes you feel better doesn't mean it makes me or others feel good. If being extreme like a muslim or being prejudicial like a christian or a Jew make you a better person to others then good. But stop pushing your religion on me. I don't like it. With that being said, giving me any type of blessing from any religion does not bother me at all, I take that as you giving me good vibrations and such. I appreciate that.
I'll tell you what I do believe in. I believe in being a good person. I believe in not hurting others on purpose. I believe we are not perfect and we can stand some people and some not so much. Some people may never be compatible with you either. It's part of life. What I don't understand is hate. Why? If you're incompatible with someone, stay away. Why the hate because you look different or believe in ghosts? Human nature is such a tricky thing.
I'm done with this. I'm sure I have many more ideas I'd like to spew on this here blog. But, I also have a life and I want to enjoy the rest of my Saturday.
May the eternal sun shine down upon you and may your blades never dull.